Hey there. You’re procrastinating. Again. Even on your last journalism assignment. Especially since you feel like you have nothing to reflect over. It seems like the rejections have defined who you are somehow. You want to isolate yourself and go away. You just want everything to be over. Get your diploma and get out. Finish your two years in college and transfer to a university as soon as possible. You’re in a rush to get to the future, where it’s all better. But how do you know that it is better? Maybe this time right now is the best life you will have, and you’re not slowing down to appreciate it. It might not seem like a lot but it is. You want to rush to your future, anxious about what it will be like.

You will miss the greetings of Mr. Brown who welcomed us to school by the gates. You will miss the occasional conversations with the security guards. You will miss Ms. Cynthia’s and the lunch ladies’ smiles and sweet compliments. You will miss the ladies at the attendance office and the routine ID check every time you were absent. You will miss the desks that most girls complain about catching their hair (sorry can’t relate). You will miss the lame puns Mr. Fallquist never seemed to run out of. You will miss the discussions we had in Ms. Rotondi’s class. You will miss our rare but fun off topic conversations in Ms. Haut’s class. You will miss the talking to the underclassmen in journalism. You will miss Friday’s at Mr. Sandoval’s class. You’ll miss the stability Ms. Duff provided and the conversations you had with Mr. Haim. You’ll miss Mr. James’ attempts at puns. You might even miss math. Nah. That won’t happen.

You should be happy with the friends you’ve made throughout your high school years. Some friendships grew stronger senior year, while some disappeared. Obviously you did not expect to lose friends, but you learned that life is unpredictable. Very unpredictable. You were disappointed in yourself when you got rejected by your dream school. You still are. But it’s okay. Senior year has made you bitter. You’ve lost hope. Your optimistic freshman self is lost somewhere in the past. You don’t have any motivation left. You want it all to end and start someplace new. But it’s okay. Just remember even a small step forward is a step towards change. And little by little you will get there. You’ve been independent and now is not the time to stop. You have many regrets and have made many mistakes. But that’s all a part of who you are. You are a bundle of mistakes, regrets and secrets. I’m sure there’s happiness and laughter somewhere in there. And it is alright. You need to understand that because you don’t understand. It’s okay to be yourself.

Sincerely, Awesta.